I am falling
Asleep;
Don’t look at me like it’s too early:
My head is heavy on my shoulders
I’m breathing slow,
I’m breathing deep
/
I am crawling
Away;
This house I’ve never had a room in,
Four walls, a couch with tired linen,
Your voice – my quiet,
Endless shame
/
I am leaving
Behind;
The flood of memories is coming
To sweep me off my feet, still running
After the ultimate illusions
Of hope and light
/
Underground
I’m awake
I feel how spring spreads wings above me,
I hear how autumn mourns its summer
And winter is my quiet,
Endless shame
The second line of each stanza – The structure like this and different ways add dimension to the poem and pause and emphasis on the thought
Thanks for the comment, Carl! I’m glad you thought the structure worked.
This poem really got me thinking about the layers of meaning it could be given…well crafted lines and word choice.
Thanks for your positive response! I’m happy you found the poem to be thought-provoking.
meaningful as always. I have read the comments above and it made me think – your work always has a ‘shape’ to it and it is not accidental that your form strengthens your content…all the more powerful because it is not intrusive.
Thanks, Sally! So glad to hear from you again!
I find that a more or less solid structure helps me express my meaning while also ‘protecting’ the reader from the speakers’ negative emotions.
A sad poem, but it flows.
Thank you, Val! It was sad to write, too.
What a beautiful piece… glad to have found your work.
Thank you for your kind comment, Jennifer! I also truly like what and how you write.