It’s all my fault! I thought
That I would bring you joy,
Not sorrow;
/
Not anger, jealousy,
Not ill thoughts,
Not regret;
/
I gave you what I thought
You needed; and yet, in doing so,
I’m sorry, I fell short;
/
I thought that I was helping –
I was stirring emotions, which
Should not have been disturbed
/
My good intentions – as they often are –
Were insufficient; I thought
That I could do you good
/
I thought,
I thought,
I thought…
Come forward,
You,
Whom I dread;
/
Look into my eyes
At the
Reflection of yourself;
/
Come closer,
And watch your reflection
Become my eyes;
/
Let your anger and hatred
Embrace me;
Strangle me with your spite;
/
But then,
When my breathing
Grows weaker,
/
Remember that,
As I fall,
My eyes closing meekly,
/
You, too,
Can no longer
Stand;
/
You are
No enemy
To me
/
I am
Not alien
To you
You sink into a cloud of mist,
Becoming memory
And leaving on my heart another scar
/
I let you go; I wish you won’t
Remember me:
My ugly face, my ugly thoughts, the ugly way I laugh…
/
I love you, though, I don’t
Deserve to love you,
And dream of you without reserve or shame
/
As your way vanishes in clouds, I run
Farther, and farther –
I’m running from the hope that you would follow me
And every windy trail is the same
And each soaring peak is shaped like a star
\
If the feet, which stir the dust, are my feet,
And the eyes, which gaze too high, are my eyes
I am not cold –
I am the cold:
The ice I touch
Is the heart hidden from me
/
I’m not in pain –
I am the pain,
And I devour me,
The sufferer turned suffering
/
I’m not alone –
I’m solitude itself,
Sitting in empty rooms,
Talking with her mouth closed
/
I am not dying –
I am being born;
I’m starting nothing –
I have never stopped
