I decided to post quick updates to my blog while I am climbing after all. See how it works…
We are leaving Samagaon for base camp tomorrow afternoon to begin our acclimatization routine on the mountain. The trek up to here has been hard for me in more ways than one.
I walked on familiar terrain, wearing some of the same clothes, but everything felt painfully different from the same trek in 2011. Scars, old and new, were impossible to ignore. I walked last, breathing heavily, recalling how, only a year earlier I had run with ease past the same villages, eager to climb my first 8000-er. I was excited, I was fighting for something and not against like I believe I am doing now: I am fighting against the fact that I am not strong, or brave or deserving of the beautiful things I want to see and touch. I was often told I didn’t look like a climber. I had no idea what that meant for a long time. During the trek to Samagaon I think, I saw my true self for the first time: someone who is always and everywhere out of place.
I don’t know how I can climb like this. I’ll just try my non-climber best, I suppose.