Without a Weakness

I step over the faded line, dividing

The realm of trust, built of my blind misunderstandings,

And this of the unknown paths I must tread on;

I’m certain, now there’s none and naught to guide me;

/

No light will shine into the air, which, stiff and heavy,

Settles in my chest, changing me forever,

Into a faceless embodiment of courage; the absence

Of hope should help me bear this utter darkness;

/

I cannot see what nightmares come alive where

I make my way, I can’t afford to dread them:

They help to build my fortress without entrance,

They turn my heart into a rock that can’t be moved;

/

Behind me, in a haze, still standing,

There is the house of lies from which I ran, and

In its small windows I still glimpse the candles’

Flickering light: their faint warmth once entranced me;

/

I watch the flames and shadows shake and tremble,

And laugh through tears, for now that ‘me’ is nonexistent;

The new one is a faultless stronghold, built to safeguard

What was your heart – what’s now my heart without a weakness

One Day

My lungs were gills once,

And my hands held swords;

My heart was small once,

And afraid of pain;

Unable to forgive or heal

Even a superficial cut,

It hid inside a cage

Without a key

/

My hair was short once

And my eyes were grey;

My wings were covered

With thick, heavy layers

Of dust and fears

Not to be shaken off,

So like a hunchback

I would walk half-bent;

/

I met the God of Time

One day, and this

He said to me:

‘Don’t be afraid:

‘Breathe in your days

With a full chest,

And drop the swords you hold –

For they will not protect

/

You from your enemy –

Yourself;

With your free hands

Release your heart and watch

The bruises disappear,

As love and courage grow;

Straighten your back

And use your gift – your wings

/

To soar higher

Than you believed you’d dare;

Time is too short –

I know of what I speak –

Let flow your hair of gold,

Let shine your silver eyes,

For when we meet again

I want

/

To see a woman,

Smiling,

When it’s time to say

Good-bye

And Love Each Step

You have been cruel

And I’ve been silly,

So we are equally to blame

For the wrongs of lying and believing,

For giving ours – and each other’s – words such meanings

As were convenient on certain days;

/

Your mouth would laugh

But not your heart, while

My eyes would smile

But not my lips:

Our feelings, all – misunderstandings,

Our paths – too different to the same home to lead

/

Forgiveness is

The longest journey,

So one must forgive readily;

You I can say good-bye to, but how to

Part with my own pathetic childishness,

At being weak – with so much shame and guilt?

/

All I can do is

Keep on moving: utter my words,

Regretting what I say; make friends,

Who may or may not be that to me;

And climb mountains of pain

To glowing summits – in my head

/

And love each step –

And have no fear of loving;

For there is nothing worse than being scared;

Nothing could hurt more

Than the angry words we’ve spoken,

Except the kind words which remain, and die, unsaid

Talk to Her

He said:

I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you:

I had neither the courage, nor the time,

And nor the love, and nor the substance necessary

To stand between you and the monsters,

Devouring your feverish, enchanted mind;

/

She said:

I understand and do not blame you,

I, too, you see, lacked all the things you lack:

I ran faster than ever-speeding seconds,

Away from ruthlessly incomprehensible responses

To questions that I read between the lines upon my hands

/

He said:

I thought, you would, as always,

Save yourself…

/

She said:

I tried, as always, but that night, somehow,

I failed

The Singer

Sleep – I’ll sing you a lullaby,

Where I promise that I’ll be fine;

/

Close your eyes, my love,

Close your eyes;

/

Every word I sing is a lie,

And my tranquil voice is rehearsed…

/

Close your eyes, my love,

Close your eyes

/

For I can’t hide the pain

With which I am engrossed;

/

Go to sleep, my love,

Go to sleep;

/

That you trust me

Is good and right;

/

‘Go to sleep, my love

Go to sleep,’

/

I will whisper before

Stepping out of the light;

/

Although my heart may scream: “wake up!

Somehow make it so that I stay,”

/

I will not interrupt your dream –

Like a nightmare I’ll fade away;

/

One more time I’ll look at your face

And wonder how it can be so calm;

/

Were you certain I would remain

By your side every night, always?

/

Were you merely under the spell

Of my voice and my magical tales?

/

Or was it simply that you did not

Ever love me the way that I hoped?

/

You’ve never opened your eyes to me;

Perhaps, when it’s too late, you will –

/

When the sun threads its first rays through

The air, filled with my prayers for you;

/

You will think me disloyal and unfair,

As you picture me singing to another somewhere,

/

And the picture you paint

Will help you to forget the truth:

/

That I sang you my swan song,

And you slept – slept all through