Worthless

The devil of my very own,

Destroyer of all things I build,

With just one one word

To say to me,

“Worthless”,

/

Sat on the throne of my broken bones

Wearing a crown

Of my lifeless dreams,

Immovable like a love-less heart,

And truth-less;

/

I laughed – he bared his fangs and sneered:

“Worthless”, he said, and something died

Dimming the light, which tried to shine

In me, but ultimately failed,

Always;

/

I cried – he cupped his hands and drank

My pain, grinning, licking his lips;

“Worthless,” he sighed, “worthless and weak,”

And stamped my mind

With bite-shaped bruises;

/

He stole each kindness I’d been shown,

Made a reproach out of each word of praise,

Crushed every petal of each flower

I had been given,

Sharpening their thorns;

/

In every mirror which I passed

He painted vileness untold,

“Worthless,” they echoed, “wicked and worthless,

A demon, just like him,

A monster”;

/

And every battle that I won,

He made feel like an ugly loss,

Screaming into my ears, “you’re worthless,

No matter what you f***ing do!”

“You’re worthless!”

/

For years I listened and agreed,

And on my knees before his throne

Believed the lies his voice would speak

Echoing cunningly

My ignorance;

/

“Enough,” I interrupt, today,

“I am no more the little girl

Into whose heart one night you slithered,

And in whose mind

You built your stronghold;”

/

“I am no monster, I’m no demon;

No matter what the blind see in me;

I am not worthless, I’m not weak;

For your lies and tricks

I’ve gown too big;”

/

“I’ll neither blame you nor forgive

You for the way that I have lived;

You played your role, and I payed mine,

But the show is over –

Now it’s either you or I;”

/

 I rise, and pick up from the ground

My heart, my mind, my tears, my laughter;

And with the sword of gold I hold,

I slay the king of the hell I thought of

As me,

/

And for the first time ever,

Breathe in

8 thoughts on “Worthless

    1. And how cruel we can be to ourselves if we come to believe the poisonous words that are thrown at us, like punches, by others, often thoughtlessly!
      Words are important; in my experience, they hurt more than actual punches do. We have to be careful in what we say to each other, and in what we say to ourselves. ‘Don’t believe everything you think!’ 🙂

  1. I remember these feelings all too well when I was younger; that inner voice (demon) constantly beating me down and making me feel yes, worthless. I listened to him for so many years and then one day felt myself rise up and finally take a stand against him, when I told him he was a liar and that I refused to listen to him anymore. The internal beatings finally stopped and instead, I started listening to my inner angel (god, whatever you want to call it, I don’t know) but a very different, loving, kind and patient voice instead. Yes, some of us do beat ourselves up on a regular basis, and maybe because others planted those first initial feelings of worthlessness in us and we believed them, but the thing is; we don’t have to anymore. We can choose who we want to listen to. “) Great write!

    1. Thank you for the beautiful and inspiring words, Stillight!
      I am truly glad for you and proud of you for letting that inner demon of worthlessness know that it has no place in your mind or your heart! It is a struggle many face but not all come out of victorious. I am happy to say that I, too, have been working hard to banish that voice out of my head. I know that it tells only lies.
      It helps to know your enemy, but there is a big step between knowing him and defeating him. I am beyond fortunate to have the people in my life, who help me with this struggle, and tell me every day that I am not worthless. I wish everyone the same kind of luck because I believe that love is the best weapon to fight the demon of worthlessness. And pretty much any other.
      Thank you again for reading, and much love!

  2. Every person is beautifully and wonderfully made, and yet, how few of us really believe that? When my thought processes started to change I would always say, “be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same decency, courtesy, and love you would bestow on any other.” And at first it became a sort of mental exercise; when the bad thoughts would come I would counter them with good thoughts, true thoughts, until eventually the good thoughts finally won over; and it was like a rewiring, or a retraining of how I treated myself internally.

    But you are right, sadly, there are a lot of people who struggle with self worth and feelings of worthlessness. I’m glad you are recognizing how valuable and precious you are and are surrounded by people who love you. I think the more we listen to the good words we allow ourselves to hear, whether from others, or internally, the more we will believe them, until they become a part of who we are.

    Much love!

    1. I wonder sometimes at how much easier it is to believe the worst about ourselves. It seems to come naturally. The process of ‘rewiring’, as you say, is necessary to change that, and that process takes time and the determination not to slip back into the old way of thinking.
      It is interesting that you note how people with self-esteem or worth issues would never dream of treating or even perceiving anyone else the way they do themselves. It must be because they know intimately how inhumane such treatment and thoughts are. And if you know, you have to be able to use that knowledge to change. For the better. For what is true.
      Thank you for another great comment! It’s was pleasure to hear more of your thoughts!

    1. So true, Carl! King Worthless needs to be dethroned, disowned and re-educated! Thank you for reading! It was hard to put this poem out there, and it means a lot that you think it was worth it!

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