failure
Worthless
The devil of my very own,
Destroyer of all things I build,
With just one one word
To say to me,
“Worthless”,
/
Sat on the throne of my broken bones
Wearing the crown
Of my lifeless dreams,
Immovable like a love-less heart,
And truth-less;
/
I laughed – he bared his fangs and sneered:
“Worthless”, he said, and something died
Dimming the light, which tried to shine
In me, but ultimately failed,
Always;
/
I cried – he cupped his hands and drank
My pain, grinning, licking his lips;
“Worthless,” he sighed, “worthless and weak,”
And stamped my mind
With bite-shaped bruises;
/
He stole each kindness I’d been shown,
Made a reproach out of each word of praise,
Crushed every petal of each flower
I had been given,
Sharpening their thorns;
/
In every mirror which I passed
He painted vileness untold,
“Worthless,” they echoed, “wicked and worthless,”
“A demon, just like him,”
“A monster!”
/
And every victory of mine
He made feel like an ugly loss,
Screaming into my ears, “you’re worthless,
No matter what you f***ing do!”
“You’re worthless!”
/
For years I listened and agreed,
And on my knees before his throne
Believed the lies his voice would speak
Echoing cunningly
My ignorance;
/
“Enough,” I interrupt, today,
“I am no more the little girl
Into whose heart one night you slithered,
And in whose mind
You built your stronghold;”
/
“I am no monster, I’m no demon;
No matter what the blind see in me;
I am not worthless, I’m not weak;
For your lies and tricks
I’ve gown too big;”
/
“I’ll neither blame you nor forgive you
For the way that I have lived:
You came because I let you in, and beat me
For I let you beat me in each battle, but the war
You cannot win – such is the Nature’s law.”
/
I rise, and pick up from the ground
My heart, my mind, my tears, my laughter;
And with the sword of gold I hold,
I slay the king of the hell I thought of
As me,
/
And for the first time ever,
Breathe in
The Habit
I have to ask you
Not to ask me
If it hurts –
/
Pain has become
Less of a feeling
And more of mere word;
/
It walks me home,
It sleeps with me
And holds my hand
/
Keeping at bay
The creeping fear
That I have nothing left;
/
You say I seem
To love my pain;
I wish that this was true;
/
What’s true’s that all I ever wanted
Hurt, challenged,
Broke or bruised me;
/
You see, I wasn’t
Made to live
The dreams of greater men,
/
And this was why
I had to make
A habit out of pain
Dance Away
At the deep end of my eyes
There burns by the river a pyre;
In her crumbling bed, wrapped in smoke,
She lies,
While the flames
Dance away;
/
They burn off her skin every hope
And dream,
Which had kept her chest
Rising;
Oh, they must have been dazzling,
For the flames dance and dance!
/
Close your eyes, rise and twirl,
Little girl, burning girl;
Let the world say she’s crazy,
But I call it amazing
She can forget she’s dead,
And dance
At the Station
I have to go –
The air outside is getting cold and lonely;
I hear the call
Of somewhere ineffably remote; the doors of glass
Have closed
/
What you may have to say
No longer matters – I’ve unlearned to listen,
To speak, to touch, to love, to hope
To miss this that I never held but an illusion of,
Fragile and fleeting
/
The train
Is quickly gaining speed, like fire
Flying,
Flying,
Flying;
/
Snow flakes –
My tiny frozen dreams – are falling lower
Down,
Down,
Down
/
I will not see them
Settle on the barren winter ground; watch them
For me, while I am gone,
Gone,
Gone
