for A. S.

My tears could fill an ocean,

My wrath could shake the Earth,

And yet, before you I sit

As quiet as a ghost;


I cannot let a breath escape

My chest that you make hurt,

Nor can I move the body

Which you make feel like dirt;


I wonder how you’ve come here

And if you’ll ever leave…

No, I have not forgotten

Although, I did forgive;


I know I would destroy you

If I so much as blinked,

Because you look so fragile

Weighed down by years of guilt;


I have no wish to break you,

So I refuse to speak

The words you came to beg for;

This silence’s my last gift


The devil of my very own,

Destroyer of all things I build,

With just one one word

To say to me,



Sat on the throne of my broken bones

Wearing the crown

Of my lifeless dreams,

Immovable like a love-less heart,

And truth-less;


I laughed – he bared his fangs and sneered:

“Worthless”, he said, and something died

Dimming the light, which tried to shine

In me, but ultimately failed,



I cried – he cupped his hands and drank

My pain, grinning, licking his lips;

“Worthless,” he sighed, “worthless and weak,”

And stamped my mind

With bite-shaped bruises;


He stole each kindness I’d been shown,

Made a reproach out of each word of praise,

Crushed every petal of each flower

I had been given,

Sharpening their thorns;


In every mirror which I passed

He painted vileness untold,

“Worthless,” they echoed, “wicked and worthless,”

“A demon, just like him,”

“A monster!”


And every victory of mine

He made feel like an ugly loss,

Screaming into my ears, “you’re worthless,

No matter what you f***ing do!”

“You’re worthless!”


For years I listened and agreed,

And on my knees before his throne

Believed the lies his voice would speak

Echoing cunningly

My ignorance;


“Enough,” I interrupt, today,

“I am no more the little girl

Into whose heart one night you slithered,

And in whose mind

You built your stronghold;”


“I am no monster, I’m no demon;

No matter what the blind see in me;

I am not worthless, I’m not weak;

For your lies and tricks

I’ve gown too big;”


“I’ll neither blame you nor forgive you

For the way that I have lived:

You came because I let you in, and beat me

For I let you beat me in each battle, but the war

You cannot win – such is the Nature’s law.”


 I rise, and pick up from the ground

My heart, my mind, my tears, my laughter;

And with the sword of gold I hold,

I slay the king of the hell I thought of

As me,


And for the first time ever,

Breathe in

For an Hour

I loved you
For a lonely day;
You hurt me
For an endless hour;
I cried my tears,
I said my prayers,
And soon my heart
Was still and silent;
Like scarred skin
Or a beaten dog,
It takes a blow
And hardly feels it:
It had been cut
And crushed before,
And never quite
Regained its sensitivity
It can hope –
For a lonely day;
It can throb –
For an endless hour;
But then,
It turns to ice again,
So I can look into your face
And share your dear laughter
As if you hadn’t
Meant to hurt me,
As if I hadn’t
Dreamed you wouldn’t

Ta Prohm

at Ta Prohm Temple, Angkor, Cambodia
at Ta Prohm Temple, Angkor, Cambodia

I thought, she said,
Since I was made of rock,
That naught existed
That was stronger than me;
Much time had had to pass
Before it proved me wrong,
Before the roots of trees
Which human hands had felled
Grew through their pain,
Forgiving what’d destroyed them,
Embracing me, whom they’d been
Killed for, as their own;
I thought, she said,
That I was made of stone;
I see instead
That we have all been made
Of life and boundless hope

The Forest of Whispers

In the forest of whispers,
In the soil of forgiveness
I plant a seed,
I bury a secret;
With the warmth of my touch
And the moisture of tears
A new willow will grow
In the forest of whispers
And not a soul will know,
And nobody will hear
What I said to the Earth
Or if She forgave me
For the rustle of leaves,
And the wind’s songs to sunlight,
And the wolves’ – the moon
To the human ear sound like nothing