Fragile

for A. S.

My tears could fill an ocean,

My wrath could shake the Earth,

And yet, before you I sit

As quiet as a ghost;

/

I cannot let a breath escape

My chest that you make hurt,

Nor can I move the body

Which you make feel like dirt;

/

I wonder how you’ve come here

And if you’ll ever leave…

No, I have not forgotten

Although, I did forgive;

/

I know I would destroy you

If I so much as blinked,

Because you look so fragile

Weighed down by years of guilt;

/

I have no wish to break you,

So I refuse to speak

The words you came to beg for;

This silence’s my last gift

Worthless

The devil of my very own,

Destroyer of all things I build,

With just one one word

To say to me,

“Worthless”,

/

Sat on the throne of my broken bones

Wearing the crown

Of my lifeless dreams,

Immovable like a love-less heart,

And truth-less;

/

I laughed – he bared his fangs and sneered:

“Worthless”, he said, and something died

Dimming the light, which tried to shine

In me, but ultimately failed,

Always;

/

I cried – he cupped his hands and drank

My pain, grinning, licking his lips;

“Worthless,” he sighed, “worthless and weak,”

And stamped my mind

With bite-shaped bruises;

/

He stole each kindness I’d been shown,

Made a reproach out of each word of praise,

Crushed every petal of each flower

I had been given,

Sharpening their thorns;

/

In every mirror which I passed

He painted vileness untold,

“Worthless,” they echoed, “wicked and worthless,”

“A demon, just like him,”

“A monster!”

/

And every victory of mine

He made feel like an ugly loss,

Screaming into my ears, “you’re worthless,

No matter what you f***ing do!”

“You’re worthless!”

/

For years I listened and agreed,

And on my knees before his throne

Believed the lies his voice would speak

Echoing cunningly

My ignorance;

/

“Enough,” I interrupt, today,

“I am no more the little girl

Into whose heart one night you slithered,

And in whose mind

You built your stronghold;”

/

“I am no monster, I’m no demon;

No matter what the blind see in me;

I am not worthless, I’m not weak;

For your lies and tricks

I’ve gown too big;”

/

“I’ll neither blame you nor forgive you

For the way that I have lived:

You came because I let you in, and beat me

For I let you beat me in each battle, but the war

You cannot win – such is the Nature’s law.”

/

 I rise, and pick up from the ground

My heart, my mind, my tears, my laughter;

And with the sword of gold I hold,

I slay the king of the hell I thought of

As me,

/

And for the first time ever,

Breathe in

For an Hour

I loved you
For a lonely day;
You hurt me
For an endless hour;
/
I cried my tears,
I said my prayers,
And soon my heart
Was still and silent;
/
Like scarred skin
Or a beaten dog,
It takes a blow
And hardly feels it:
/
It had been cut
And crushed before,
And never quite
Regained its sensitivity
/
It can hope –
For a lonely day;
It can throb –
For an endless hour;
/
But then,
It turns to ice again,
So I can look into your face
And share your dear laughter
/
As if you hadn’t
Meant to hurt me,
As if I hadn’t
Dreamed you wouldn’t

Ta Prohm

at Ta Prohm Temple, Angkor, Cambodia
at Ta Prohm Temple, Angkor, Cambodia

I thought, she said,
Since I was made of rock,
That naught existed
That was stronger than me;
/
Much time had had to pass
Before it proved me wrong,
Before the roots of trees
Which human hands had felled
/
Grew through their pain,
Forgiving what’d destroyed them,
Embracing me, whom they’d been
Killed for, as their own;
/
I thought, she said,
That I was made of stone;
I see instead
That we have all been made
Of life and boundless hope

The Forest of Whispers

In the forest of whispers,
In the soil of forgiveness
I plant a seed,
I bury a secret;
/
With the warmth of my touch
And the moisture of tears
A new willow will grow
In the forest of whispers
/
And not a soul will know,
And nobody will hear
What I said to the Earth
Or if She forgave me
/
For the rustle of leaves,
And the wind’s songs to sunlight,
And the wolves’ – the moon
To the human ear sound like nothing