Without a Weakness

I step over the faded line, dividing

The realm of trust, built of my blind misunderstandings,

And this of the unknown paths I must tread on;

I’m certain, now there’s none and naught to guide me;

/

No light will shine into the air, which, stiff and heavy,

Settles in my chest, changing me forever,

Into a faceless embodiment of courage; the absence

Of hope should help me bear this utter darkness;

/

I cannot see what nightmares come alive where

I make my way, I can’t afford to dread them:

They help to build my fortress without entrance,

They turn my heart into a rock that can’t be moved;

/

Behind me, in a haze, still standing,

There is the house of lies from which I ran, and

In its small windows I still glimpse the candles’

Flickering light: their faint warmth once entranced me;

/

I watch the flames and shadows shake and tremble,

And laugh through tears, for now that ‘me’ is nonexistent;

The new one is a faultless stronghold, built to safeguard

What was your heart – what’s now my heart without a weakness

And Love Each Step

You have been cruel

And I’ve been silly,

So we are equally to blame

For the wrongs of lying and believing,

For giving ours – and each other’s – words such meanings

As were convenient on certain days;

/

Your mouth would laugh

But not your heart, while

My eyes would smile

But not my lips:

Our feelings, all – misunderstandings,

Our paths – too different to the same home to lead

/

Forgiveness is

The longest journey,

So one must forgive readily;

You I can say good-bye to, but how to

Part with my own pathetic childishness,

At being weak – with so much shame and guilt?

/

All I can do is

Keep on moving: utter my words,

Regretting what I say; make friends,

Who may or may not be that to me;

And climb mountains of pain

To glowing summits – in my head

/

And love each step –

And have no fear of loving;

For there is nothing worse than being scared;

Nothing could hurt more

Than the angry words we’ve spoken,

Except the kind words which remain, and die, unsaid

The Ring with Dolphins

They’re numb, my lips, they cannot smile to please you

There’s not a word that I can think of for tonight

You look at me across the table, plagued with melting

Candles; I take my glasses off – my eyes are tired

/

I’ve known you for too long, the same good old you,

Whose kindness peeled off my steel outer layers;

Who’d met me long before I met my solitary self and

Whom I allowed to love me for as long as I could bear

/

I know you hate the size and smell of my Cohibas;

You look unhappily at my tomboyish jeans and shoes

The one you think you care for never turned into a princess

She wears no make-up and has tens of scars and bruises

/

She fought black Spanish bulls in a small ring in La Algaba

And danced for weeks across the windy Himalayan plains

She learned to speak the many ornate languages of silence

She sits before you now, while her mind roams in ocean depths

/

Don’t blame her, if you can, for all her lonely, loveless choices

Don’t try with words and bribes, scolding and pleading to revive

The young and open heart, which was yours and yours only:

That heart has grown in years too big, too cold, too wild

/

Sit with me for a moment and forgive me when I leave you;

When candles melt away and when my shape grows dark

Your ring with dolphins will keep glowing on my finger,

Reminding me of all the things that I no longer love