The Pretender

One day you pretended to be

Strong;

One day you pretended to be

Brave;

One day you  pretended you could

Know;

One day you pretended to be

 Me;

/

That day you got broken

In every place;

That day every demon

Took notice of your face;

That day you knew how great was

Your ignorance,

And yet you refused

To stop pretending;

/

And as you healed,

You found strength;

And as you met your demons,

You made friends with fear;

And as you learned,

You grew honest,

And thus you truly

Summoned me:

/

Because you,

Who was so fragile,

Who used to be scared

Of her shadow,

Who felt unworthy

Of knowledge,

Played me

With such deadly abandon;

/

I have come,

And I’ll always protect you,

Be for you a shoulder

To lean on;

You’ve made it so

I could never leave you;

Mine are the eyes

That look back from your mirror

The Black Hole

I lost myself in your embrace

That with each passing day grows tighter;

My bones are breaking, my heart fails;

So close you hold me,

Your light burns like scorching heat;

It blinds me, and I see it as impenetrable darkness;

/

I am so tired of my fears,

I am exhausted by my weakness,

I hate it that I am so often sorry

And that I rarely know what I am seeing;

When you have crushed me into naught,

And thus accepted my surrender

/

The chaos that I am of thoughts of feelings

Will rest at last inside the deepest of black holes;

Then, only you and I will know

How in your arms I’d kicked, and begged and cursed

Mourning my self –

My only loss

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The City of Fire

Kali 1

Take me home,

To my city of fire,

By the river that runs

To the sound of my breath

/

For my throne,

The red funeral pyre,

For too long

I have left empty;

/

And my children

Have grown into demons,

Spilling blood

At the altars of lies,

/

And my house’s been

Infested with shadows,

And my gold crown

Has lost its wild shine;

/

Let me dance

In the heart of my city,

Where I’ll fight one more battle

With fear

/

And when at my feet

It falls, defeated,

I will once again

Roam free

The Night Fires

Upon a bridge between two blazing fires

I stand and watch the heavy river flow;

One fire soars like hope into the open night skies,

The other one burns low, licking life off the earth;

/

I stand and know that I must pick a side;

I wish it was, but it is no longer my choice:

The fire ceremony, like the elements’ song, or the funeral pyre

The soulful prayer or the ultimate acknowledgment of loss…

/

Suspended halfway over running waters,

I must recall that I have said my prayers,

And they were pleas for a path to bravery and wisdom;

I see it clearly now, and I see where it leads and stops;

/

I took one step, so I will take another,

Walk all the way from light and into dark;

I fear, I fear it so intensely,

That on my fear I am becoming drunk;

/

And with each step my heart is beating faster,

And with each breath my being overflows with pain;

Closing my eyes I feel I am, a ghost in ashes, dancing,

Completely present in the flame, and yet forever gone